Best of 2006, Blogged Live From Canada's Nutsack

TPO is about more than space disco and coke rap. Here is some more year-end best of.

Ten favorite tracks this year:

1. Joanna Newsom - Emily
2. Great Lake Swimmers - Song for the Angels
3. Grizzly Bear - Knife
4. Band of Horses - The Funeral
5. Evangelicals - My Headache
6. Sunset Rubdown - A Day In the Graveyard II
7. Destroyer - Rubies
8. The Octopus Project and Black Moth Super Rainbow - (Var.)
9. Junior Boys - In The Morning
10. Growing - Cumulusless

Five best Canadian rock records:

Destroyer - Destroyer's Rubies
Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I Am Dreaming
Swan Lake - Beast Moans
The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood

Five best Gypsy Folk/Rock records:

A Hawk and a Hacksaw - The Way the Wind Blows
Beirut - Gulag Orkestar
DeVotchKa - Curse Your Little Heart
Man Man - Six Demon Bag
Espers - Espers II (more minstrel than gypsy, really)

Five big fuckups:

88.5 WXPN's format was changed to "acoustic dork shit only."
My Morning Jacket played the unacceptable douchebag venue The Electric Factory.
The Decemberists fussed after they got buried by Chris Ott.
"Top Back (Remix)", that's some monumentally bad rap.
Comets On Fire were self-consciously metal as fuck, and it sucked.

Honorable Mention:
Brightback Morning Light, Prins Thomas, Psychic Ills, Calexico, The Knife, Frog Eyes, Islands, Tropicalia: A Brazilian Revolution in Sound, Yo La Tengo, M. Ward, Liars, Akon's "I Wanna Fuck You"

Best Youtube videos:
Let's Paint TV

The Worst Christmas Ever

James Brown Dies On Christmas Day 2006

James Brown died today. James Brown died today? Impossible. The father of the UNSTOPPABLE GROOVE? Died? This man...



... died?

As I write this, exactly thirteen hours have passed since I heard the news on Temple's 90.1 while opening presents with my family this morning. I am now listening to one of those Urban reissue LPs that includes "Give It Up or Turnit A Loose", an alternate take of that song, "Get On The Good Foot", and "Make It Funky." All at once, I recall all the many happy memories that I have had listening to and enjoying James Brown's music. I remember listening to "Sex Machine" with Crazy Carl in the original Publications Office and breaking out into a series of awkward thrusting gyrations that would later come to be known as "The Mrs. Day Dance." I remember bringing a copy of In the Jungle Groove to some hip kids' dorm room in college and getting immediate respect. I remember getting drunk that night and dancing on one of their beds to "Funky Drummer." There was the time when Chris, Nick and I freaked out to "Get On The Good Foot" at one of Nick's Lampoon parties. I remember staying up until three one morning listening to the entirety of The Payback. I couldn't get over the record's peculiar beauty. It was so fucking real.

This hurts too much. James had a way of just making you feel better about yourself, a way of putting a little smirk on you face. Somehow, I felt safer knowing that he was still around. Knowing that for all the terribly egregious Bono performances, James Brown was still grooving. But now the groove has died, and Soulwax have become the deepest assholes in the world.

A Very Thankful Christmas

T.P.O. is thankful for Dan Bejar.


The Publications Office surveyed celebrities nationwide, asking them what they were most thankful for this Christmas. Here are some of our favorite responses.


Young Jeezy:

I am thankful for the game. Shit's been good to me. The game is as real as it gets. The beauty of the game, it's like, you move your shit and then you got stacks, and your stacks turn into Phantoms, and then it's like you don't give a fuck no more and you can just be ya self. Like me, I like to wear white shoes and a gold watch and not give a fuck what any other man think, and that's just me, you know? The game is life and it got me where I am now, on top, and it's like, who got shit to say to me now? It's so fucking real, it's like I'm so big and tall it's like I roll on STILTS. Yeaaaah.


Stephen Colbert:

I am thankful for my writers and their relentless energy. Just the other day, I was in a big rut. I felt run down, out of ideas, at the end of my rope. I was on my way over to the writers' conference room to tell them not to bother with tonight's show. But when I opened the door, I saw thirty jokes waiting for me on their whiteboard. Everything was going to be just fine. And I ended up using all thirty, too... I was so inspired by their energy, and respectful of their devotion to comedy, that I couldn't bring myself to say that one was funnier than any other.


Isaiah Thomas:

I am thankful for the fact that we young black men are still fighting for the right to live a street lifestyle all over America. It's our world too. This ain't no nice world. I ain't gonna let a man come into my world and tell me I can't take my life, everything I've learned in my life, and that ain't something he want to hear. It's like, I gotta get it the way I know it and you don't understand, well, something just might happen to you. And the way I see it, you earn your respect, you don't just go out and smile in a man face because the world try and say you need to be like a certain way.


Amanda Blank:

I am thankful for hard cocks beating up my pussy. Everywhere I go they want to give me the cock. All over Europe, even, they were telling me they want to lift up my skirt and fuck me right there on the speakers. They hear that bass and they know it's time to fuck. It's been a good year, I've been fucking pretty much nonstop. All over the globe, they wait in line to taste my pussy.


Conor Oberst:

I am thankful that I got to spend this year kind of out of the limelight. Taking some time off from writing and performing has just helped me put everything in perspective. It's hard when you let your thoughts bleed out of you onto the page and then the wind just snatches up that page and it swoops through the city streets, and the people tighten their scarves against the cold breeze. But I just like to sit by the fire with my girlfriend, uhh, girlfriend of the moment, heh, and sometimes I'll just be staring at the ceiling wondering if each crack in the ceiling of this crazy-ass New York apartment (God, I love New York) if each crack is like a memory, and it grows deeper as you age. I think we all keep our memories in our hearts, and each heart is like a picture that we all look at every day.


Tom Brady:

I am thankful for George Bush, the Republican party, and their efforts over the past year. It's always been fashionable to resent those who know best, those who look out for your safety. What's really hard is to stick to the principles of success every day, to wake up in the morning and do your best. There is a lot of negativity out there about leadership and success. But I'll tell you this. Where would I be if I screamed at my offensive line every time they let up a sack? Where would I be if I ignored my dad when he told me to hurry up or I'd be late for practice? A real man responds to strong leadership. We should all be thankful for those who work hard and stick to their guns.


Prins Thomas:

I am thankful for the groove.

Morality 101

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Take My Piss

In his write-up of Hot Chip's The Warning (#2) for Stylus' "Top 50 Albums of 2006" Evan McGarvey penned:

If The Warning’s intelligent, game phraseology (“What can you find in a drain?”) won’t win you over, peep the destructive, cleansing swagger: “I’m a mechanical music man, and I’m starting a fire. / Hot Chip will break your legs / Snap off your head / Hot Chip will put you down / Under the ground.”

As someone who has read Neil Strauss' The Game, I know that "What can you find in a drain?" is not good Game. You don't want to neg your competition, an act that implies a low estimation of self, instead you want to neg the girl. So Evan, if Hot Chip were in fact using "intelligent game phraseology" they would have said something along the lines of "What can I find in you, drain?" And if you want music with a "destructive, cleansing swagger", you should listen to Wolf Eyes not Hot Chip.

Honestly, I don't get it. Is it because Hot Chip are English? Cute? Play synthesizers? Pitchfork ranks "Over and Over" #16 in its Top 100 Tracks of 2006 and "Boy From School" #7 and The Warning at #26 on its Top 50 albums list. Stylus has "Over and Over" #23, "Boy From School" #11, with the album again at #2. First, I consider "Over and Over" a 2005 jawn, maybe even 2004 depending on how far ahead on the ssX curve you were when the song leaked. "Boy From School" is a good song, but it's not 5 stars. It's something every "indie" kid can identify with, the "We tried but we don't belong" line. However, Alexis myopically repeats the line way too often and by the end of the song it loses its initial, devastating punch.

Such diminishing returns resound on all of The Warning's tracks. They grab the listener's attention early, but by the halfway point they get stale. They each possess sounds and structures that remind me of a lullaby. So they are soporific, which can be useful, it just seems to me not quite as useful as something that impacts your life, makes you more awake, makes you see things more clearly. I truly don't understand how a narcotic can be a "top" record.

Leader of the Pack

Not what it looks like

A phenomenon took this country's digital cable audience (or maybe just my roommates and people that came by our house on Friday nights) by storm, the National Geographic Channel's The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan. Cesar is simultaneously assertive, comical, authoritative, rigid, naive, and absurd. He also has several homosexual tendencies. He likes to imitate the behavior of some of the dogs, which for some reason usually involves him arching his back and getting on his knees and shaking his shoulders and making noises such as "Adi, didi, didi."

Above all, though, Cesar is a dog's best friend. He understands dogs as dogs, not as toys for human amusement or emotional crutches, but as complex creatures with whom one must choose to enter into a relationship. He fulfills the primordial needs of dogs under his care. He treats them as instinct-driven animals, not as human beings, and it is easy to see the results on the dogs' own faces. They repay Cesar for his leadership with good behavior, loyalty, and affection. Few things could make life more enjoyable than a dog that is willing to requite its owner's love. Thus, unanimously, we declare Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer, our "Man of the Year" for 2006.

Yup, Yeah Me Too

Thanks Google Image

Ed. Note: We may or may not do more of this year-end stuff. You know how this time of the year is.
--JS

As I listen to way too much music, I think I owe a few year-end lists to myself. The sole criterion for the lists was how much of my time each particular item occupied. I multiplied according to my iTunes and iPod counters. I think the results are pretty interesting.

Genre of the Year: Disco

Albums:
1. Clipse - Hell Hath No Fury
2. Booka Shade - Movements
3. Sonic Youth - Rather Ripped
4. The Knife - Silent Shout
5. Man Man - Six Demon Bag
6. Junior Boys - So This Is Goodbye
7. Spektrum - Fun at the Gymkhana Club
8. Sunset Rubdown - Shut Up I'm Dreaming
9. VA - [DCR Presents] Death Before Distemper
10. The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams

Tracks:
1. Escort - Starlight
2. LCD SS - 45:33
3. Delia & Gavin - Relevee (DFA Rmx)
4. The Clipse (Feat. Pharell) - Mr. Me Too
5. Junior Boys - In The Morning
6. Padded Cell - Unknown Zone
7. Dub Kult - Chick
8. The Knife - We Share Our Mother's Health (Radio Edit)
9. Prins Thomas - Fehrara
10. Tahiti 80 - Big Day (Idjut Boys Main Remix)
11. Rihanna - SOS
12. Kaito - Color of Feels (Album Mix)
13. Rick Ross Vs. Simian Mobile Disco - Hustlin' Hustler (Cadenece Weapon Hi-Speed Edit)
14. Kaos - Cerebral Tremolo (Brennan Green Edit)
15. The Orichalc Phase - Respond in Silence
16. Dondolo - Dragon (Shit Robot's Fire Breathing Remix)
17. Amerie - Take Control
18. Sonic Youth - What A Waste
19. Shit Robot - Wrong Galaxy
20. Lindstrom - Another Station (Todd Terje Rmx)
21. Delia & Gavin - Relevee (Carl Craig Rmx)
22. Superpitcher - Enzian
23. Sascha Funke - In Between Gates
24. Robbie Williams - Lovelight (Soulwax Ravelight Dub)
25. The Juan Maclean - Love Is in the Air (Mock & Toof Rmx)

New Artists:
1. Sunset Rubdown
2. Escort
3. Shit Robot
4. Brennan Green
5. Cadence Weapon

Indie Folk? We Got 'Em

I still need your digital camera

Archer Prewitt, Angela Desveaux, Honey Church, Ponie Heart
The Khyber
12/12

First, a big thank you to the hardworking folks over at Philebrity for plugging this one. I would not have found out otherwise. Second, I should let you know that I've decided to give up on big shows. If there's going to be more than 500 people, I don't want anything to do with it. Chances are the show's all ages, and half the crowd will be full of sixteen year olds that are already becoming way too absorbed in alt-scenesterism and drugs and are running around the venue like chickens with their heads cut off. Case in point, the Broken Social Scene show a while back at the Electric Factory was down right egregious. There was a big performance going on, and from what I observed, CJR and I were the only people trying to watch it. So when I saw that Archer Prewitt, this cat whose latest record, Wilderness, I've liked a lot for the last couple of years (you can read this to find out exactly why; I agree with it entirely) was playing The Khyber on a Tuesday night, I said to myself, actually uttered it out loud, "perfect." And I was not disappointed. At no point in the night did the crowd exceed 30.

Unfortunately, as I found out about Tuesday night so very last second (7:30) I missed opener Ponie Heart. But judging from the quality of the other opening acts, Honey Church and Angela Desveaux, I would have to think that it was at the least average indie folk / country, which depending on the mood your in, if you happen to be in the same self-pitying one that I was in Tuesday night, can be pretty endearing stuff. Reason why is it follows the K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) formula to the T. The music was definitely without pretense, the majority of it written in 3/4 time, and performed by people who were obviously not 21 year old hipsters. Also remember they were playing for mere handfuls of people. It was like they were playing for me. Honey Church are a local getup that are currently a diamond in the rough. A little more diversity in the song structures, like some key changes, and more poetic lyrics and they'll have something. It was pretty much the same deal with Ms. Desveaux-- she just needs to come up with some sort of schtick to differentiate herself from the pack and she'll be fine. On the plus side, she and her band had some positive things to say about cheesesteaks. And without doubt all of these bands are much better live than John Vanderslice. Trust me.

Prewitt and band were great. Clearly, these guys are grizzled veterans of the indie scene. Keyboardist / laptopper / trumpeter, I think his name was Mike, was kind enough to reveal that he was 44. His long gray hair, goatee, and slightly more than hipster thin frame was far more refreshing, and far more provocative on stage than the anorexic-Asian-indie-hipper than thou-girl-keyboardist cliche. Not that I'm hating, anorexic Asians (as a matter of fact I'm currently accepting applications for an anorexic Asian hipster girlfriend in the comments section), just saying different is refreshing. But yeah, these guys were talented. As some of Wilderness' material borders on the saccharine, the band did a masterful job erasing any such traces live, even on songs such as "No More", "Without You" and "Wilderness." All of the songs played were infused with a psychedelic, hard rock edge, giving them far more pop and zest than on the record. It was very encouraging to hear a band which is at heart into "chill" music move out of its comfort zone and pump some enthusiasm into its live act.

This night was the best surprise I've had all year. I did not feel like it was a guilty pleasure either-- there were no thoughts of "but it sucks that these people will not get wealthy from doing this." Prewitt & Co. knew well what the turnout was going to be, but put forth great effort anyway. My guess, they did it because they needed to do it for themselves and for their art. And if that isn't an uplifting thought at a time when "indie" is becoming heavily commercialized, then I don't know what is.

Crate Digging 2006: Daft Punk's Homework

Just a couple of faces in the crowd

So much music came out this year, too much if you ask me. (check those 857 Papoose freestyles) Alot of it was really good too. It seemed like there was zero opportunity for crate digging this year. Well here's a dig for most kids 11 or younger in 1996. It's called Daft Punk's Homework. If you like electronic/house music, and haven't heard this, all of it, be prepared to hear something that's far better than 2006's batch of indifferent house. It's been 10 years. Reflection on this record and renewed admiration for it are more than fitting. So I made a card to express my feelings for a true benchmark in the history of electronic music.

My 10th Anniversary eCard to Homework



Dear Homework,

You've given me so much over the last ten years. You've given me "Around the World", still the world's quintessential party starter. Never have three words had such an impact on how I interact with music. Never have three words salvaged so many of my desperate nights. I think "Revolution 909" is the fifth best song ever. "Teachers" taught me everything I need to know about rock music, "Da Funk" everything that I need to know about robots. Where would dance music in general be without you? Would the vocoder's potential be realized? Would lengthy repetition be acceptable? Would there be "uncompromising" 4/4? Would people's shit ever really get lost? And you have more to give. Eventually the public will recognize "Oh Yeah" as the world's next great breakbeat track. Someday DJs around the world will hear the floor potential in "High Fidelity", "Burnin" and "Indo Silver Club".

I just wanted to let you know how much I still appreciate you. ✓+

Happy 10th Anniversary
JS

Yo Philly!

Warning: More low blows to follow

After an entire weekend of my TV time being saturated with Rocky Balboa commercials, I have concluded, Philadelphians, that we need to boycott this shit. First, the things that the movies stand for, brutal, gladiatorial violence, unrealistic optimism, machismo, stupidity, ridiculing the brain damaged, are not positive activities. These stigmata have become what our fair city is most recognized for. Second, Stallone while ostensibly harmless, is really quite the asshole. Third, do you think that it's going to end with this movie? I foresee no fewer than six additional Rocky movies.

Merry Xmas, Delaney:

Rocky VII: Rocky fights Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell. Iceman: ... Rocky: Hey, how you doin, Iceman? Iceman: ...

Rocky VIII: Rocky fights the Super Shredder. Super Shedder: Super Shedder uuuggghhh! Rocky: Super Shredder uuuggghhh!

Rocky IX: Rocky fights Satan. Rocky: Hey yo Paulie, you can take the man out of the fight, but you can't take the man out of the fight...

Rocky X: Rocky fights Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer: I'm undefeated. Rocky: Yeah, well, you know, there's like a first time for everything, you know?

Rocky XI: Rocky fights Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson: The power of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ flows through my right hand and the power of the great Aztec chieftain Huitzitlaloc flows through my left hand. Prepare to die. Rocky: ...

Rocky XII: Rocky fights the Highlander. Highlander: Rocky, there can be only one. Rocky: One what?

Indie Rock's Undisputed Queen of News Reviews Diplo's Next Record

Ladies and Gentlemen, Her Majesty, Amy Phillips



Diplo
Ivela Fresh Booty Blast*
[Hollertronix; 2007]
Rating: 9.8





Did I tell you about that time last November that I ran into Diplo at Chicago's ________ club? K, so I was there with my girls and Wes, we're on a first name basis now, just thought I'D let YOU know, so Wes, he was there with his boys. So I, an empowered young lady, approached him and introduced myself, "Hi Wes, Amy. No, no, Amy Phillips. Pitchfork." My gosh was he cute too, dressed in a long, white, plain tee. And that ass... Laaaaaadies! "Oh yeah, I met you at Intonation a couple of years ago. How's it going, Amy?" "Um, Dips (my pet name for him) are you still dating M.I.A?" "Hey, have I told you about my new project? I actually just came from the studio and have the recording on me. Maybe you could do something with it, like give me more good press that I don't deserve."

The story goes that Diplo went to the Ivory Coast to hand out some free copies of his latest mix Favela Strikes Back 2. Dips said, "I just felt like they (Ivory Coast) really needed some Favela."



People were very grateful to Wes for the gift, and took him back to one of their villages deep in the jungle. On the walk Dips was listening to even more Favela on his iPod, when he overheard some totally bitching afro-beat emanating from the jungle. A lightning bolt hurled down by Zeus himself, from on high, struck Dips. "Dude, this stuff mashes up really well. It's like uber tribal." And thus Ivela Fresh Booty Blast was born.

You might not believe it, but the blend results in something that sounds just like Baltimore House. That is to say, it's great booty music. "Drive Thru Revolution" is without doubt the "guns in the air" jam of the year. "We Got Rubber" sounds like it was produced by the Neptunes, whereas "Fucking Snakes" is more Timbo, but think Timbo and Missy, not Timbo and Justin. But don't think for one minute that this album is all fun and games. Like all great records, it's deep too. Clearly Dips' ventures into the third world have had a profound effect on him. How else could someone come up with as beautiful an album closer as "Rainforests and AIDS?" On this one Diplo does such a masterful job restraining the afro-beat and the favela wails that while listening to it you'd swear he has AIDS.

Not only is Wes hot, but he's a visionary too. Who else could have realized the potential in fusing indie with the 3rd world with the butt? No other record of 2007 will have the same global impact as Ivela Fresh Booty Blast.

-- Amy Phillips, July 11, 2007

* Denotes Best New Music

LATER THAT DAY...

Pitchfork News Bulletin

Today, July 11, 2007, Ivory Coast terrorists have flown an airplane into Phildelphia's brand new Comcast Tower. The Comcast Tower was so big that the ensuing fire destroyed all of downtown Philadelphia. I still hate Philadelphia. Anyways, thank god, ladies, no harm came to my Dips. Wes had already arrived in New York for his show tonight at the Knitting Factory.

Posted by Amy Phillips in terror on Tues. 07-11-07: 01:15 P.M. CST | Permalink

Don't ever eat mushrooms before you go to the Electric Factory.

Tahiti 80 Rock The Upstairs @ World Cafe (And Subsequently Fire Their Booking Agent)

Tahiti 80's last visit to Philly was @ The Khyber in November '02
(photo credit: www.bullette.net)

Let's get one thing straight from the start: after interviewing Tahiti 80 in '02 and giving their second album, Wallpaper for the Soul, a few extra listens, I quickly realized this band is too often (unfairly) dismissed as "just another French-pop band." That's the first thing you need to know.

Second, the only other Philly venue that could have been worse for this show than Upstairs @ The World Cafe would be the Kitchen @ The World Cafe (coming Summer '07). Tickets were $18 flipping dollars! In 2002, these guys didn't even sell out The Khyber on what were probably $8 or $10 tickets. I'm not pretending to be the smartest booking agent in the city, but money issues aside, this show belonged in a dirty club that holds no more than 200 people ready to dance their asses off. What type of person is content to watch Tahiti 80 from a dinner table? There are a ton of amazing venues in Philadelphia that can host great rock and/or dance shows (T.P.O. knows b/c we've been to all of them twice), so it's a real shame that Tahiti 80 ended up at the cleanest and most sterile venue in the city (on the bright side, they do have above-average acoustics). The point is that, unfortunately, someone pegged Tahiti 80 as "just another French-pop band" (yet again) and thought they'd be perfect to play in what is essentially an over-priced restaurant decorated like a Philly-hotel-bar-tryin'-to-look-like-an-NYC-hotel-bar, which by the way is perfectly suited for certain other kinds of live music. Booking Tahiti 80 to play this space was like booking a dog show to take place on a dirt bike course. Apples. Oranges. Et cetera. Exceddera. You see? There is a difference.

Despite this being a terrible episode of "When-Bad-Venues-Happen-to-Good-Bands," it was actually still a great performance. For this tour, Tahiti 80 effectively broke down their endearing blend of electro, dub, soul, and pop-rock and nearly stripped it to the bare minimum. Leaving us with a traditional guitar/bass/keyboards/drums rock show, the band played tracks spanning all three of their albums. Faves like "Mr Davies," "Soul Deep," "Big Day," "Changes," and "Here Comes" (complete with audience chanting the "Whoa oh oh" part) were excitedly played the same way you know they were written: with a simple arrangement, with smiling nods between band members, and without the dude from Fountains of Wayne suggesting that the snare drop out for 32 bars while a dub kick booms in replacement. Don't get me wrong, I think Tahiti 80's production sound typically strikes the perfect balance between unique and derivative. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant change to hear Tahiti 80 let go of their production-dependent style and be confident enough in their songwriting that they were willing to play without the 10 keyboards and 5 drum machines that they had for their last tour. Sure, maybe their touring budget was just reduced this time around because they only half-filled The Khyber in '02... but their songs still reflected the same beauty, tension, and sincerity that makes this band worth listening to in the first place. And that is a solid testament to the fact that Tahiti 80 is not "just another French-pop band."


Q: What did one Frenchman yell to the other while riding a rollercoaster?
A: Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Warren Hill: The World's Next Rainmaker

One man's acetate another's rain.

eBay has ruined what would have been the best Antiques Roadshow ever.



But seriously, WTF?

Wensdee By The Wooderfrunt

In reality, I think the water might actually have more of a brownish hue, but you get the idea...

As you may already know, for years now mutliple plans to develop the Philadelphia waterfront (ie, the Delaware River along Columbus Blvd.) have fallen short or been derailed in some way or another. Recently, yet another forum (PW) was held to discuss the latest round of possibilities. T.P.O. went to this meeting to get the scoop, so now I'm going to share with you some of the exciting ideas proposed for the Philadelphia Waterfront that are yet to be reported by the mainstream media. Check it out:

-The bar-hopping zip-line. It stretches from Club Risque all the way to Rock Lobster and allows you to go from bar-to-bar via zip lines that are accessible from each venue's 2nd floor. According to one advocate, "It would be perfect for those who like to watch people dance and then dance a bit themselves."
-But where will the money come from? Reserve funds contributed by The Pennsylvania Riverfront Dock Union of Cherry Hill Residents Working In Philadelphia.

-Philadelphia's Camden-Hologram Initiative (PCHI). Spend half the budget evacuating and demolishing Camden (reconstruction plans pending additional funding). Spend the other half of the budget building a complex giant hologram that, when viewed from the Philly side of the Delaware, makes Camden's skyline look majestic, grandiose, and not sponsored by Campbell's or Tweeter.
-But where will the money come from? Red light cameras will be installed along Columbus Blvd. 90% of the proceeds from ticketed offenders will go toward the PCHI, while 10% will be set aside to buy more of those cameras that the news stations put in Camden to use for wide shots of the Philly skyline.

-The "Tragedies of The Delaware: Museum and Amusement Park!" See the blueprints for alternate plans of 95 and 676, go on the Crazy Collapsing Deck ride, and learn about notable Philadelphians (from the colonists to the Victorians) who helped develop a prosperous waterfront that was ironcially ruined by the exact modernity it sought to foster. Fun for all ages.
-But where will the money come from? $27 admission for adults, $26.25 admission for students and seniors, $25.50 admission for children under 8.

Local Rumors Clearinghouse!

You Might Have Heard: Man Man found time earlier this month to lay down 4 new tracks with crossover juggernaut Danger Mouse.

And?
Indeed, pending sample clearance from Cyndi Lauper's camp, expect these propulsive, sparkling pop nuggets to see the light of day by Spring 2007.

You Might Have Heard: That blonde girl who falls down has a boyfriend.

And?
The 700 Club's most sighed-over debutante was sighted just last Thursday dining intimately at Buddakan with the heavily tattooed Joshua "Grabs" Grabowski of Northern Liberties.

You Might Have Heard: Sean Agnew accepted an option on materials in lieu of the Clipse's cancellation retainer.

And?
Order a Red-Top Mocha at the Last Drop. Best $20 I've ever spent.

You Might Have Heard: Andre Iguodala is a pedophile.

And?
Unconfirmed. Although Iguodala is renowned for his poor decisions, there is no evidence that he has done anything more illegal than three steps while kicking the ball out of bounds.

You Might Have Heard:
Kildare's Authentic Pubs, Inc. is snooping around Fishtown, and may be looking to branch out into the bohemian community.

And?
Brad Breastman, speaking on behalf of the Acquisitions branch of the beverage retail giant, tells me that negotiations are in progress on a site within a block of Frankford and Girard. Fishtown should be ready for an influx of SJU swagger no later than Winter 2008.

Finally, You Might Have Heard:
Temple University recently moved up to #49 on Consumer Reports' national top 100 academic universities.

And?
Naaaaaaaaaah.

Oyame Chico!

Tonight in Philadelphia: WWE Survivor Series. To commemorate enjoy some YouTube.

Two-A-Day Tuesdays: 76 Things Philadelphians Can Be Thankful For

Fuck You

76. Eddie Turner
75. The 76ers
74. The Northeast
73. Duck Tours
72. Penn's Landing
71. Ben Franklin Impersonators
70. Ed Rendell
69 (tie). Kildare's
69. Tiki Bob's
67. Lack of Crime
66. Cecily Tynan

65. Espers
64. Cacia's Bakery
63. Citypaper
62. The Khyber
61. The Kimmel Center
60. Repo Records
59. Frank Rizzo's Ghost
58. Tony Luke's
57. New Deck Tavern Quiz-o
56. Crazy Carl
55. Independence Mall
54. South St. Maoz
53. Independence Hall
52. The Ritz East
51. The Shore
50. Atlantic City
49. The Mixtape Guy (though we haven't seen him in a couple of months. Anybody have a tip?)
48. Pitchfork Media
47. Pat's King Of Steaks
46. Gino's
45. Fishtown
44. The TLA
43. Benjamin Lovell Shoes
42. The Troc
41. The Vietnamese market in S. Philly
40. Ryan Howard MVP
39. Chase Utley
38. A lot of golf courses
37. Tony Luke's
36. 30th St. Station
35. Philadelphia Weekly
34. The Barnes Foundation
33. DJ Touchtone The World's #1 Blind DJ
32. The Franklin Institute
31. Allen Iverson
30. The Please Touch Museum
29. Betsy Ross' House
28. The Comcast Tower
27. Philebrity
26. Northern Liberties
25. Sorted Party
24. Johnny Brenda's
23. Fairmount
22. South St.
21. Click
20. R5 Productions
19. Sean Agnew
18. The Last Drop
17. Sarcone's Bread
16. The Philadelphia Museum of Art
15. Wawa
14. Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz

13. Downtown
12. "Haaaaannh?"
11. John's Roast Pork
10. The Phillies, except "The Bat"
9. Man Man
8. Boxing
7. Making Time and Crew
6. The Chinatown Express
5. Two Diesel Stores
4. D'alissandro's
3. Torn ACLs
2. The Liberty Bell


1. The "L" or is it "El"?

Dancing With The Stars In A Figure 8

Separated at birth?: Emmitt & Elliott

October 22nd marked the third anniversary of Elliott Smith's death. That's real sad. So to cheer you up, I'm going to fill you in on how the remaining Smiths are moving on with their lives and not letting one little incident slow them down.

Emmitt Smith: Just won ABC's hit reality show contest "Dancing With The Stars."
Anna Nicole Smith: Had a baby, married her lawyer (true, her other kid just died, but we're focusing on the positive here).
Kerr Smith: Enjoying the fact that shitty FOX drama "Justice" has still not been canceled.
Kevin Smith: Celebrating the release of "Clerks II" on DVD.
The Smiths: Johnny Marr joined a new band. They're called Modest Mouse.
Will Smith: Went to Rome this past weekend for TomKat's wedding.

There you have it. Smiths are doing quite well. Until next year, keep that chin up!

Track Review: Yung Artist - Twistin' Twizzlers (four stars)

"When he says "fuck," the f is a whistling teakettle: the 'u' is a foghorn moan, and the 'ck' is a car door slamming on your ear. When he calls you a fucking heathen, you feel like a fucking heathen."
-Tom Breihan

Yung Artist is a slippery wordplay wrangler out of Greenville with a hypnotic rasp that stomps with brutal authority. Like a steadfast barrage of exploding, knowing cackles, Yung fires off broadside salvos of charged stream-of-consciousness string theory bastinadoes that twine around your ankles, trip you to the floor and cover your mouth with both hands.

"young and tested, weapons are the best, kid
both my techs sick, lookin for the next bitch"

But here's the thing about Yung Artist: he doesn't give a fuck what you think. I picture Artist, jacked on yay, counting off beats in his head, beaten down by the crushing realities of the streets that are never as nice as they seem, full as they are with big bad men who hit hard and never think twice before they pop one at whoever think they got shit. We know that life is like that: if you want to survive, you'd better be able to gobble down they frontin and belch up husky growled battle shouts haunted by the same weary realities I see every day when I wake up in Baltimore. Check Yung's officious declaration:

"got it like me never, snitches get severed
keep it like a reverend, bitches got 'em better"

When this man says "bitch," "bit" is pronounced as in "that nigga pit bull just BIT the shit out of that nigga leg" and CH sounds exactly like a bulldog snorting for breath when it is over 100 degrees outside.

Yung Artist will be spotted rocking polka dots straight at the top, strangling out great winding anacondas of devastating sharp-tongued flows that flicker through the alleys of human individuality and incite us to do grand things. He is built to last, like hard gravel in the asphalt streets. His lordotic posturing will keep him standing tall at the top for a long time comin. And really, what else is there to life, other than getting fly as fuck?

Two-A-Day Tuesdays: You're Driving Me Crazy, Carl

First this:


Now this:
http://riffmarket.blogspot.com/2006/11/crazy-carl-weekend-adventure.html

And you can't write one post for me. OK Motherfucker, you asked for it:

***Mallratting*** Thesis: Meta-Mallratting

***Mallratting*** 210: Crazy Carl Mallrats Berlin

"...I really thought Berlin a Utopia."

"Listen, I don't know what you're talking about. I've been to Berlin. No plaid button-downs. No Yuengling or Jack Daniels. No E-A-G-L-E-S. No sun. No beaches. No cars. No Quiz-O. No Main St. Manayunk Munchies. No Main St. Manayunk. No bars, fuck lounges. No Jethro Tull, Rock & Roll. No Jerky Boys tapes. No Mexicans. No construction workers. No plaid button-downs. No jokes. Plenty of Art. I'm sorry, you pretentious fuck, but Berlin sucked."

My Hustle

Some interesting things I heard/discovered this past weekend:

• "The Khyber, the Church, TLA, and now here (Electric Factory)... you've been great to us, Philly. For a long time. Thank you. We love you." -- Kevin Drew, lead singer, Broken Social Scene
  Take that to heart, Pitchfork


• "We're playing one more. Why the other band members are leaving the stage, I don't know. I guess that's why this band is going to take a 'break'." -- more Kevin Drew
  Lil suntin for the Internet


• "You've got two putts to win this hole. Now just give it the old Tel Aviv tap." -- A really nice and funny Jewish man I caddied for on Friday
  It was a two foot putt. The guy putting left it a foot short.


• "Ballin" -- Mike "Cheezy" Cook on throwing something in my trash can
  Apathetically uttered.


• "I want people to be able to wear these clothes out to work, then maybe to a lounge." -- Donovan McNabb on Super 5, his new clothing line
  
  
  Exempla Biz-Cut (Ron Tarver, Inquirer)
  
  Work: Overpaid/rated jock. Lounge: Red Sky (Seriously, McNabb has been sighted there.)


• The Presets - I Go Hard, I Go Home (The Juan Maclean Remix)
  Very geeked out sequence on this one, very funky. Best thing The Presets remix orgy will have birthed.


• "76 West. Get off at Roosevelt Blvd. Get off Roosevelt at Germantown. Turn left from off ramp. At the third light turn left. There'll be a gas station there. That's Germantown Ave." -- Some cute girl, who claimed Philadelphian origin, giving me directions to LINCOLN DRIVE
  Me: "Three lights? You're sure?"


• The Skateboarding Bulldog

Blessynce

Quintessential killer kick

This story was shared with me by a Health and Safety Educator at St. Vincent DePaul church in the Germantown section of Philadelphia.

She was leading a lesson on Fire Saftey to a group of children aged 6-11 years old. "Now, imagine you are sound, sound asleep in the middle of the night. You hear a loud alarm going off. It's the sound of the fire alarm! What should you do next?"

Blessynce, aged 8 waves her hand and matter-of-factly replies, "You kick it down off the wall and 'den you kick it until you kill it."

Safe to say this was an empirically-derived answer? Think-a so.

I Need Your Digital Camera

See what I mean?
Photo by Maria Tessa Sciarrino

Making Time
Pure
11/3/06

There's so much that I could say about this Making Time. I could talk for length about how Dave P blew the roof off the motherfucker with Sebastien Leger's "Klaxon", how terribly pedestrian Hot Chip continued to be, and how Justice needed to realize that it's not 1995. I could write a seperate piece about Digitalism being the world's biggest assholes, first backing out of their live set, because apparently their manager thought the venue wasn't big enough, then spinning two of their own songs during their DJ set (that's right, but it was a big enough stage for them to DJ), which I equate to the spitting in the face of the entire audience. But this night was totally defined by The Rapture.

The Rapture's Set:

1. Heaven
2. Get Myself Into It
3. Sister Savior
4. The Devil
5. Out Of The Races And Onto The Tracks
6. W.A.Y.U.H.
7. I Need Your Love
8. The Killing
9. HOJL
10. The Coming Of Spring
11. Echoes
12. Pieces Of The People We Love
13. Olio
14. The Sound

Fucking epic, one nonstop highlight. All meticulously segued, all perfectly executed. Some songs were cut down, others jammed out. The sound was nailed too, each instrument totally in sync with the others. But what put the set over the top was the occasion-- The Rapture and Making Time were simply made for each other.

As I said before The Rapture's music, if confronted defenselessly, honestly, unleashes our innermost geek. It was nice to be surrounded by about 200 fellow nerds that didn't give a shit on Pure's main floor. 200 fellow people that shouted every lyric as loud as possible. Luke: 1... Crowd: 2,3,4,5,6,7, I'm floating in a constant heaven. Honest, it happened instantly, all it took was that "1" word from Luke, and it exploded. The room came alive, yelling, throbbing, beating. Everyone was dancing real hard. Guards were let down, individuals were lost in a whole, frustrations were released.

The Rapture sustained this atmosphere for nearly an hour and a half, and I have to think, despite this being the worst possible cliche, that the Making Time crowd impelled them to do so. I have to think had euphoria not seized Pure, the set would have went in a more subdued direction, like "Love Is All" or "Live In Sunshine". And while they are two of my favorite Rapture songs, they had no chance to be included in this set. There was too much energy in the room. It would've been an injustice. Props to The Rapture for realizing this and more so for being able to satiate the crowd. I don't know if any other band, LCD SS included, could've done it.

This crowd, this night could be summed up by "Echoes", by "The city breathing / the people churning... Life makes echoes / if you see them." The Rapture created an echo at Making Time and a bunch of strangers "came together" and saw it. This was the best show of the year, the best time of the year. I have to say it, if you weren't at this one, you really fucked up.

Election Special Polemic!

Rendell for Prez 2012?

This nation's servile, strident, turgid serfs
Shout sick, serpentine shit they learned at Church
Through every speaker stacked atop each screen
They spin strong shag, they sell off every skein
And each illiterate who buys their yarn
Sits praying for good men come to harm.

They shoot at those who trespass their vast yards
Or use slick tricks to slip barbs past their guards
Reminding them that that which they'd ignore
Isn't so insubstantial anymore.

And rapt expressions dominate the face
Of every seeker taken with the Grace
And countenancing every sordid word
Of each insipid jingoist Christian blurb
Commander in Chief straight down to Glenn Beck
They defend that incendiary dreck.

But this one day, we shuddered off our sloth
And drowned you truffle-stuffed pigs in a trough
Ignoring your distorted, awful squeals
Your pawing as you're chopped off at the heels
And all the salty gristle we dry out
We'll sell back to the faithful old Dry South
And make them eat it nightly for a year
While wondering when their Savior might get here.

And all their little children might be taught
That life sucks when you lie and you get caught.
And watch their parents spared not a tall rod
For shrieking so to scare us all to God.

***Check out Philebrity's comprehensive campaign coverage.***

Two-a-Day Tuesdays: I Thought I Was Going To Broken Social Scene

The Decemberists
Electric Factory
11/1/06

I walked into this place really cold on these guys. I hadn't even meant to be there. My old roommate called and asked if I wanted to go to "the show," at the Factory, and I told him hell yeah. I couldn't believe I had forgotten to get Broken Social Scene tickets, actually. As soon as I saw the marquee, I thought I'd really fucked up.

See, Picaresque had let me down badly. It had nothing close to the lyrical intricacy of the best stretches of Castaways and Her Majesty, and it was short on the austere, evocative work of theirs that I admired most. The verandas and petticoats, gadabouts and whirligigs, vagabonds and dulcimers were starting to sound worn through. I was sure that Meloy had thrown out his arm. It worried me even more that no one else seemed to agree. I still don't see how you could hold up "The Sporting Life" against "Grace Cathedral Hill," and I am almost glad I forget who was trying to pull that shit on me.

I hadn't even gotten around to The Crane Wife before the show. For all I knew, it could've been full of sea shanties about Rabelais and pegasi, with an epic digression about scullery maids played on three plucky xylophones. I'd heard nothing but good things, though, and I was getting psyched in spite of myself. This has been one of my favorite bands for years. The dude was going to get a fair chance. They started right off with "Crane Wife Part 2", hooked me within the first ten seconds, and the healing process was in full swing.

The live act is somewhat too self-conscious and seamy to wrap up a crowd from song to song, but that may just be the nature of era-hopping vignettes with heavy conceits, I guess. Most of the crowd talked over each lull. That may be less the Decemberists' fault than it is Fishtown's. They left some really fantastic songs unplayed, hammed up a few clunkers from fucking Picaresque, but they also got in some Castaways and Her Majesty. The Crane Wife material sounded in parts as good as anything they've ever done, and reinforced my opinion that Meloy is at his best when he is plaintive and restrained. Obviously there's a considerable hot-looking, nattily dressed market for the twee bombast, but those people don't need any more attention.

***Mallratting*** 181.02: Tiki Bob's

"Fuck Yeah!"

Yo Jake, remember that time we went to Tiki Bob's? That night you saw both Lindsays there and all that... yeah, right... yeah I know. That bouncer was like "nice hair, faggots." As soon as we walked in there's some dude in an Archbishop Ryan sweatshirt rapping along to "Lose Yourself" with his hand up that girl's skirt. Fucking rad. Then we were trying to get a drink but all these little Italian guys kept holding hands and pulling each other forward to cut in line. Some fat girl from New Jersey was all tryin to dance on me, man I must have worn way too tight a shirt.

Fuckin man, remember they had like $3.50 Yuengling bottles and the dudes were all getting four of them and being like "That's right! Philly born and bred, baby!" and the DJ was scratching on that Jay-Z / Linkin Park shit, yeah. And we saw three dudes in Navy uniforms trying to pick up some girls who were obviously with those three black dudes who were in the bathroom doing lines, yeah fuck, when they came back... that one kid got his face all jacked up, right?

Anyway man what were we there, like an hour, waiting for Jordan to come out and you tried to request Amerie but he put on Mary J. Blige, and you made such a fucking big deal, you remember that? Remember when the bouncer came over and said "What's this homo doing?", then how those kids with the spiked hair started talking shit to the black bouncer and one of their girlfriends got punched by accident, oh shit. We had to get the fuck out, we like were looking for a cab and these 10 frat dudes were slamming their girlfriends' heads against the wall so we went over to Finnegan's Wake, and, yeah, fuck, I know. That was the worst."

This Is My The Rapture Post

I did not at all like The Rapture's new record, Pieces of the People We Love, on first listen. The record was not another Echoes and yes that did upset me. Now, on the eve of The Rapture's Making Time appearance, after a long period of time has elapsed, I have confronted Pieces as objectively as I could, and do conclude that my first opinions on the record were disgusting, and that over all the record is pretty good.

However, I do want to stick to a few of my original guns. First, there is not one moment on Pieces that equals or surpasses any of the moments on Echoes. I also think that Echoes was a truly great record, with a truly great, original moment. I think it 100% to say that nobody saw "House of Jealous Lovers" coming. I think it also completely safe to say that song had a major impact on music. Riffs once said, "HOJL made it alright for the indie kids to dance." But I think it did much more than that. I think it made it alright for people to ENTIRELY lose their shit. The song honestly broke barriers, maybe the most impervious kind, the ones that we set up to conceal the geek inside of all us. The song made it alright to geek out. Four years later, there are still no challengers to "HOJL's" throne.

Pieces does not have a moment that will change music. It is however a very well done amalgamation of genre: synth pop, new wave, post punk, disco, rock ballad. One thing that will forever bother me though: it seems to me that the record's producers, Dangermouse and Phones, cheapened some of the band's material in order to leave their imprint on the record. The last twenty seconds of "W.A.Y.U.H." the producers dick around and almost ruin the entire track. There are also too many acid house synths running through the record, check especially "First Gear." Shit guys, some of these songs want to punk rock, okay? Not to say that some of the blame might also be placed on The Rapture. Whoever was responsible for the idea of the female backing vocals on "First Gear" and "W.A.Y.U.H." fucked up. The argument is that The Go! Team sucks. Plain and simple, cheerleaders suck.

I understand that it is hard, and in most cases unlikely that artists can produce more than one masterwork in their careers, but somehow the great ones manage it. The Rapture aren't there yet, but they are young and have plenty of records in front of them. In my opinion Pieces is not a great record. However, it is a fun, in no way devastating, as I had first thought, addition to The Rapture's catalogue. I can't wait to hear how it will sound live.

I Didn't Mean To Do You Like That, Baby

Editor's Note

Yesterday I was in a little bit of a hurry. As my "seasonal" job is coming to an end, I need to be on the grind early. But damned if I wasn't going to give our devoted tens of thousands of readers their "Two-A-Day Tuesdays." So I published the "Clive Owen Went As James Bond for Halloween" post without proofreading it. When I awoke this morning, and had a chance to re-read the post I saw that I used the word "really" about 30 times. Funny how the mind works. I really only wanted to use "really" a couple of times, once for the Ada single, once for Inside Man. But I guess in dealing with things that you really like, especially if they are few, you can really forget yourself. It's like you copy the word "really", putting it on your brain's clipboard, and then start pasting it all over the place. Anyways, I'm really sorry about the Freudian overuse of "really" yesterday, and want to alert you, our beautiful readers, that the writing of "Clive Owen" has been polished, and you should really check it out again. We at T.P.O. mean to give you only the best in Philadelphian writing, and are willing to admit our mistakes to do it. And no, this was not an elaborate machination to get a post up on a day other than Tuesday. Really.

Sincerely,
JS
T.P.O. Editor

Two-A-Day Tuesdays: ***Mallratting*** 132: "Terror Behind the Walls"

I'm scared

Ed. note: the concept of "Mallratting" will remain undefined for two reasons. First, we intend to reveal its meaning through a series of posts. Second, most of you are probably already familiar with it.

Finally, so that we are totally on the same page, with the exception of a few obvious, necessary details, this is a "Mallrat", introductory level.

The Publications Office headquarters is in Fairmount, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Also situated in Fairmount is the Eastern State Penitentiary, which this time every year is turned into "Terror Behind the Walls" (TBTW), "the nation's 6th best haunted house" according to AOL city guide. Though we all know how scary ghosts are, we at T.P.O. find they can be extremely hilarious as well. (Especially conceptualizing in terms of "ghost." E.g. owning a new Lexus LS = "ghost" parallel parking)
So we could not wait to experience a great haunted house, sure to have some great ghosts, in our backyard and bring strong coverage of TBTW to our thousands of readers. However, we got a little more than we bargained for.

Warning: Some of the following images are pretty graphic, and should never be read to or by any Philadelphia children.

It wasn't too scary early in the tour, though I was glad that TBTW decided to get the whole "prison rape/sodomy thing" out of the way. Also, the tour explained a recent mystery nagging Eagles fans, as there was a room in which Donovan McNabb was completing passes to ghosts. There was the choir of hot zombie sirens, zombie inmates with bad pre-diarrhea gas, female security guards with warts for faces, Wilson Goode lighting Bon Jovi and then himself on fire, everything you'd expect at a Philly haunted house. There were lots of ghosts, too. Some of them were kind enough to tell us about a great new exercise program, "ghost" treadmill running, that was really, really low impact. So far, so great, just the right amount of scary.

However, TBTW's newest attraction, "Night Watch", crossed the line. The idea is you're a prison guard and you have the night watch. You have to walk the prison and make sure everything's in order. But the halls are completely dark, so you use a flashlight to find your way and do your job. Walking down Cellblock A, everything was quiet, then i shined my flashlight on cell 320, and a zombie inmate was eating Glen "Hurricane" Schwartz's brains. Further down the hall at cell 333 a ghost was watching CSI: Miami. (CBS, "ghost" boosting ratings?) I freaked out and ran to the next block. Everything was real scary. I bumped into mechanical rats and witnessed some strange vampire activity between Kevin Bacon and Kelly Ripa. First, they would suck each other's blood, then they would throw it up on each other. Doubtless, though, the worst scare was saved for the end of the tour, where, in Cellblock C, in the last room, #29, I saw Mitch Williams having a catch with Ryan Madson.

***T.P.O. wishes you and your ghosts a Happy Halloween!***

Clive Owen Went as James Bond for Halloween

"Haaanh?"

I had to take care of some real furtive shit this weekend, so there was no way that I was getting in any cuts. Once I tied up those loose ends, I had some time to relax, and came across a couple things worth talking about.

First, is the new Ada single, Call the Tune. A-side "Call the Tune" is on some real sinister shit. A deep, sharp analog line dominates in the early going. However, at about the halfway mark a pretty synth cord, I mean Superpitcher type shit, is thrown into the mix, and it holds us until the outro, which is again dominated by the analog. Though obliquely, the track speaks to that whole "beauty out of ugliness" motif that somehow seems to recur in most good, current instrumental music. The flip, "Live It Up" is straight pretty, a lot of breeze and water efx, strings, and alto sounds, close to Lawrence, just a little more up tempo, especially when she kicks in that S.pitcher 2x hi-hat towards the end. The cut is so smooth that I really think, this being maybe the only time I'll ever say this about a tech-house jawn, that the inclusion of some vocals, perhaps only a few of bars of crooning, would have put this one over the top.

Second is the movie Inside Man. It is the third really good movie I've seen this year, along with Syriana (I know it was released late last year. Cut me some slack.) and, of course, Little Miss Sunshine. There's no way I would have watched Inside Man had I been going into da cut. If I were not in this completely relaxed, completely bored state of mind, on a Saturday night, I would not have stumbled upon it going through On Demand. I don't remember strong marketing for the film and I did not hear any strong reviews or recommendations for it. I was interested in it because I figured, "Hey, it's Clive Owen." Then I find out it's a Spike Lee joint. Having seen all of He Got Game, I thought, "Yeah, that was okay." So I was livening up to the movie, and the next two hours turned out to be quite a fun time.

First, let me start off by saying Inside Man was in no way meant to be a glorification of a slick, fast-talking Afro-American cop. It was a Spike Lee movie not about Denzel Washington. This movie was about a modern-day Robin Hood, Owen's character, which he was so effortless at. It was about a "regular" guy, who had honed some extraordinary skills, who was educated, who was honorable, who took down an evil capitalist. Appropriately enough, though I can't believe that much wasn't made about this, this movie was written by an African-American. It therefore was about racelessness, a black writer with a white hero. It was about responsibly educating our youth (there's a scene where Clive Owen rebukes a child for playing a game called "Kill that Nigga", also raceless.) It was about "Money Isn't Everything." It was about the middle class helping the lower class score a blow against the seemingly untouchable elite, something which is desperately needed in our society. There were some pretty funny jokes in it too.

Check out Call the Tune and Inside Man if you get a chance. They might surprise you like they did me and make your day or weekend.