Wensdee By The Wooderfrunt

In reality, I think the water might actually have more of a brownish hue, but you get the idea...

As you may already know, for years now mutliple plans to develop the Philadelphia waterfront (ie, the Delaware River along Columbus Blvd.) have fallen short or been derailed in some way or another. Recently, yet another forum (PW) was held to discuss the latest round of possibilities. T.P.O. went to this meeting to get the scoop, so now I'm going to share with you some of the exciting ideas proposed for the Philadelphia Waterfront that are yet to be reported by the mainstream media. Check it out:

-The bar-hopping zip-line. It stretches from Club Risque all the way to Rock Lobster and allows you to go from bar-to-bar via zip lines that are accessible from each venue's 2nd floor. According to one advocate, "It would be perfect for those who like to watch people dance and then dance a bit themselves."
-But where will the money come from? Reserve funds contributed by The Pennsylvania Riverfront Dock Union of Cherry Hill Residents Working In Philadelphia.

-Philadelphia's Camden-Hologram Initiative (PCHI). Spend half the budget evacuating and demolishing Camden (reconstruction plans pending additional funding). Spend the other half of the budget building a complex giant hologram that, when viewed from the Philly side of the Delaware, makes Camden's skyline look majestic, grandiose, and not sponsored by Campbell's or Tweeter.
-But where will the money come from? Red light cameras will be installed along Columbus Blvd. 90% of the proceeds from ticketed offenders will go toward the PCHI, while 10% will be set aside to buy more of those cameras that the news stations put in Camden to use for wide shots of the Philly skyline.

-The "Tragedies of The Delaware: Museum and Amusement Park!" See the blueprints for alternate plans of 95 and 676, go on the Crazy Collapsing Deck ride, and learn about notable Philadelphians (from the colonists to the Victorians) who helped develop a prosperous waterfront that was ironcially ruined by the exact modernity it sought to foster. Fun for all ages.
-But where will the money come from? $27 admission for adults, $26.25 admission for students and seniors, $25.50 admission for children under 8.