My first two records from 2008:

Yeah.

The name Atlas Sound has stuck in my head ever since I first heard it. I found out recently that it is derived from the brand of tape player that Bradford Cox used as a child to make his first recordings. But before that, in my efforts to parse it, I had gotten to thinking that Cox is a man who has upheld a ponderous burden but looks upon the world without malice or jaundice. He is someone on whose shoulders the earth as a whole might weigh heavily, as an outgrowth of what one could call an unfortunate lot, if one were to put stock in that sort of thing. Yet he keeps his mind occupied with wonder and genius, and makes these unbelievable records, so even if this sound is the Atlas sound, Cox is Atlas sound. Unbowed.

Maybe I'm a dildo and he didn't mean for the name to evoke any of that. The point is, I invite you to try to name a person as rad as Bradford Cox right now, and to get in an argument with me about it, and lose. I can't review the record quite yet, but I am going to.

I really like Black Mountain, too.

Interview Week: DJ Khaled

T.P.O.: I want to start by saying what an honor this is for me. DJ Khaled, I think you're the best.

DJK: Listennn! This isn't about me. It's about we: me, you, Fat Joe,



T.I.,



Ross,



Kells,



Jeezy,



50,



Pavarotti,



Donald Driver, Eva Gabor, George Bush, Mariah Carey, Trina, Trick, ZZ Top, Queen Latifah, Plies, Cheesy, Leonard Nimoy-- I don't give a fuck. Man, "We the best!"



T.P.O.: I don't know. I think you're better than all those guys, DJ Khaled.

DJK: I don't want any more of this shit, so let me make myself clear. "Listennn!" "We the best!" And that's all there is to it.



T.P.O.: JHN RDN?

DJK:



T.P.O.: Even Diplo?

DJK:




T.P.O.: Okay. Okay. Sorry, DJ Khaled. We at T.P.O. love you so much. We got you this little token of our appreciation. Here, it's in this "brooowwwnnn paaaaaaaaaper baaaaaaaaag! brooowwwnnn paaaaaaaaaper baaaaaaaaag!"

DJK: "Listennn!" Thanks.

T.P.O.: You're so welcome. Hey, DJ Khaled, I'm kind of confused again. Who's the best?

DJK: We!

T.P.O.: Who?

DJK: "We the best!"

T.P.O.: "Haha!"

DJK: You're starting to get it, JS.

T.P.O.: "A! A! Shawty is da shit! Shawty is a 10! A! A!"

DJK: Now, who's the best, JS?

T.P.O.: We.

DJK: Who?

T.P.O.: We. "We the best!" Man, I never thought I could learn so much from an interview. Thanks, DJ Khaled.

DJK: My pleasure, man. I'm out.

Interview Week: Capitalist Rock Stars!

Today's interview features two stars of the indie and crossover charts. They're part of a growing contingent of music personalities who are biting the bullet and facing the facts of the American music industry, breaking through on the radio, charts and even licensing music to chain stores for use in advertisements, causing much consternation among their indie fans. We have agreed to identify them only by their initials, so that they might speak freely.

T.P.O.: Guys, pleasure to have you. So there's this debate about whether or not each of your bands have sold out for success, obviously. Something about your new records, or career path, or tone, or something, really seems to have shifted, and some people are unhappy. What is so different now? What is it in your old...

IB: I know I'm still not going to fucking talk to any dickhead reporters about any fucking old records. Talk to me about the shit I do now, the shit that made me a multimillionaire.

KB: My older records are a panoply of ecclesiastical carnivals. They were made by a young man who was intent on walling up his Oresteian frenulum in a rocky Alcatraz, you know? I don't want to dwell on times when I worried every day if I was insane. Forgive me, Buenos Aires, but I don't have your Agamemnon.

T.P.O.: It's fine. I'll move on, no problem. So, K----, you seem to be newly converted to, shall I say, a frontier mentality with regard to not only the music business but life itself, society itself. Is that right?

KB: Yeah, I think there are two types of people in this world, those who decide to kill, and those who decide to be killed, by deciding to alienate themselves from the system. There are those who handle all the cocks and get them stuck up their asses are the ones who fail to figure out the workings of it. The fascists who spend their time hating capitalism are the ones who get killed out in the wild. I just got sick of being fucked by the giant dicks and kept isolated in the wilderness in hiding from menacing cocks.

IB: I mean, I grew up on the West Coast but I just want to make sure I say I don't really agree that it's necessary to handle dudes' dicks, necessarily, in the first place. So I can't, like, say I agree with K---- on all of that, but yeah. You are either the predator or the prey. You figure it out and do it or you lose.

KB: Well, it's just the image, but I think that it's, if you want to try to constrain your male sensuality, well, I don't know if you've ever read The Fountainhead...

T.P.O.: Well let me ask, I----, your point all along has been that you can't argue with success. What has been different for you since you became a breakout success?

IB: Now, if I wanted to, I could fuck any girl on any college campus in the U.S.? I'm kidding, of course. I love where I'm at right now. You know what they say. Go ahead and switch the style up. I used to think "fuck the world, fuck these people." Now it's more "fuck everybody who doubted me." I am in a great place, and my music takes people to a good place.

KB: I made a Asklepius Ascending the Venusian Bluff of myself and came out with these records that some people loved so much. But I was always upset that I didn't have any savings. I realized how much I envied those who had a lot of money in the bank and didn't have to worry about that. The truth is, the only truly happy people are the ones with all kinds of extraneous money to spend on whatever they want. I decided no longer to try to pull the ultimate balancing act. I was tired of trying to suck the dicks and then cut them off, so to speak. I decided to allow myself to become commercialized, and not to remain confused and isolated on the paranoid perimeter... Pericles...

T.P.O.: It's like there is a new you, a totally different shift in attitude. Both of you seem to be really getting away from the reputations you'd acquired in your early careers.

KB: And that's because it is an inevitable thing. Everybody gets jealous of a life of wealth and economic success. People thought I was insane, like, I was diagnosed with psychological problems. I thought my life was over. I wasn't getting a lot of what I wanted. The desire for wealth, like, to pass along to your children, to buy nice things for yourself and others, it's a universal human trait, and you can't feel bad about it. Money is and always will be the most important thing. End of story. And rich guys don't have, like, women thinking or saying that they are psychotic and weird. Or any of that.

IB: Yeah, people used to tell me I sounded lonely. I had bad posture and shit. Now, it's like, if you just saw all these beautiful girls trying to grab on me at every show. And of course I am with someone, so it's all just so absurd. Sometimes it is hard to even fucking get away from people who want to hang out with me. I play rugby with one of the local leagues, incognito, like, I just run around try to truck people, like I'm the man, not some kind of scrub. I carry myself straight and wear a watch. I walk into a bar like I own the place and then I only have one drink.

T.P.O.: And both you guys have really been helped by cutting down on the partying and taking antidepressants, am I right?

KB: Yeah, all the time, it's the only way for me to keep from being bitter about having to tone myself down and think about simple things, such as success. Surprisingly... see, I find myself doing things like alliterations, in my head, it's like my mind is wandering away. Probably to start thinking of what someone else wants from me, what someone would prefer that I do. But I can't let it. I need my mind to be focused on me, getting me what I want, doing what I have to do. That is what you call maturity.

IB: Stop asking me about drinking. I'm past that. Yeah, I used to agonize over metaphors. Until they were just so. Like I really worried about making sense to all the people who listened to my music, getting across to them. You know what? Now that I take some medications to calm me down, I don't have to think so hard, I can relax and let it come to me. If I happen to thinking of a ship I'm going to write about something nautical, or water. Fuck what people want to hear me say. Let's say I want to talk about the ocean, or crabs and scallops. People will respond to it, because we make great rock music that sounds good to them, and they like hearing it on the radio. Everything should be this easy.

T.P.O.: So I assume you guys had your idols in the rock world. Now you guys are, to some degree, rock stars yourselves. Do you still have idols?

KB: Back in the day I would have said something about, like, David Bowie. But David Bowie lives in a tax shelter. The social order is capitalism, and it is beautiful, and it's important that we show respect for it. Artists and fans alike. You as an artist have to be an adult, and so do your fans. So I identify myself now with all artists who are fiscally responsible, really, not just Bowie. And the great artists who believe in American capitalism more than in pleasing some unappreciative hypercritical losers. Gene Simmons is a great guy.

IB: My answer was always The Pixies, or The Smiths. And it just so happens that now I have J---- M--- in my band, and K-- D--- texted me one time and said if I ever wanted to get together she was down, I don't know if she meant to fuck or to make a record or what. So I don't have idols anymore so much as people I admire as distinguished peers. My ship sails fast. There are no holes. In the hull! And that's ALL! RIGHT! BY! ME! You see what I mean. And think about that with two drummers.

TPO: So, this question is for both you guys, if there was one thing you could say to the fans who have been complaining that your old records were better, you used to have more to say, and so on.

KB: History is fleeting buffet of Pompeiian parquetry. Some people try to tell me that my lyrics suck now that I have decided to be as honest as I want. They can tell me that I've become blunt and tiresome since I decided I had to grow up and face the facts. They'll never know how awful it is when people think you are bizarre. I used to be so hard to get along with, when I was sucking the twin freakish cocks of alienation and confusion and trying to stab the ones that would have made me happy, the time-honored kind of dicks our parents used to suck. And to anyone who says I have blown my load, just wait until you see what I'm cooking up for my next release.

IB: I'm different now. I don't try to have grudges and problems with people anymore. My music isn't about condemning shit. Life is much better when you don't think about things bothering you. If you're always checking for leaks, you will have nightmares about taking on water, and wake up with an inch of water in the lifeboats.

T.P.O: Thanks again, guys, for your time. It's been great.

T.P.O. Presents Interview Week! Today: Donovan McNabb (A.K.A. 5)

_________________________________________________________________________________

This week T.P.O. will run some interviews that we were able to get with some of our favorite people. Today, it's Eagles QB Donovan McNabb. Stay tuned later in the week for interviews with DJ Khaled, Diplo, and maybe even a few others.
_________________________________________________________________________________


Following the Eagles stunning upset of the point spread last night, T.P.O. caught up with Donovan McNabb for his thoughts.

T.P.O.: Donovan, thanks for taking the time for the interview.

McNabb: Call me 5, man.

T.P.O.: 5?

5: 5, because I'm a quintuple threat. I pass. I run. I make plays. I design clothes (Super 5). I speak for corporations (Campbell's Chunky Soups, AirTran).

T.P.O.: I see. You don't rap?

5: Funny you should ask. Me and my boys Kanye, Chi town connect, you know, and ?uestlove have got something planned for next year.

T.P.O.: That'd make you a sextuple threat. You'd have to change your number and your clothing line. Should I start calling you 6?

5: Nah man. For now, I'm still 5. But when the right time comes, I'm willing to make the change. I also hope to get into movies.

T.P.O.: Horror?

5: Exactly.

T.P.O.: That'd be a good look for you, I think. Plus that'd make you a septuple threat and I could call you "7, that lucky number."

5: I like the way you think around here.

T.P.O.: Well, I like your style too, 5. "We the best!"

5: Man, I feel you!

T.P.O.: What would you rap about?

5: Well, actually some heavy stuff, like haters. Everybody's always hatin' on 5. White people and black people. Everything I do, it's hate. And yet I've had nothing but love for everyone. That's why Kanye's producing it, man. The beats have got to be strong, like me.

T.P.O.: Well, I like Kanye beats, but it sounds like you'd be hatin' on the haters and I think that, according to guys like Lil' Wayne and even Kanye West, you're just supposed to let your money pile up, let the haters hate.

5: But if we let the haters hate then how are we ever going to make a positive difference? That's where I think I have a unique perspective. After all the hate I've endured, my faith has kept me strong. That's the message the record's going to send.

T.P.O: We understand that you sat out tonight's game with thumb and ankle injuries. How are you feeling?

5: Better. There's still some swelling in both areas. But I think I'll be ready for next week's game.

T.P.O.: Hmmm. Your thumb doesn't look swollen to me, but I'm not a doctor. What do you think of AJ's performance tonight?

5: Well, AJ threw three interceptions. They really brought his rating down. I mean 83.9 and what am I at 84.7? That pretty much sums things up. Now maybe all the Philly fans will understand why I fumble so much.

T.P.O.: But what about the 350 passing yards? What about coming back from an early interception? What about 3 touchdown passes?

5: What about AJ not being the play maker that I am, especially at the end of the game, when things matter most? What about the two interceptions he threw at the end?

T.P.O.: Whoa, big guy, relax. You're right. Feeley admits the interceptions were all clearly his fault, whereas, in your case, the guys around you just haven't been making plays. And we all know how clutch 5 is.

5: That's what I've been trying to say all year, man.

T.P.O.: Well, we've been listening. 5, sometimes we get some secret info here at T.P.O., and we heard that the writers for the hit HBO series The Wire have been kicking around an idea for extending the show into a sixth season, an idea that actually centers on you.

5: I love that show, man! I'm boys with Idrus Elba, the actor who played Stringer. He hasn't mentioned anything yet, though. You sure? TV... that'd make me an octuple threat. 8, how does that grab you? It's not as good as "7, that lucky number." I could flash my big smile after saying that. I guess I could do without the horror movies. They'd only just kill me anyway.

T.P.O.: Or you could shut down Super 5.

5: ...

T.P.O.: So, the idea goes like this: Det. Jimmy McNulty (for some unfathomable reason) thinks that you obviously suck, that you obviously are the most inaccurate passer in the history of pro football, that you make horrible decisions, and that you lack the competitive fire to lead anything. It is utterly irrational to McNulty that Eagles' coach Andy Reid continues to start you at quarterback. McNulty feels there's something else going on, so he starts digging up some dirt. He finds out that a judge has called Andy Reid's house a "drug emporium" and maneuvers to get a wire tap up on Reid's home phone. Reid, in a moment of pure hubris, too rapt in celebration of your seventh straight season with an "injury", gives up over the wire that he has to keep playing you, keep you in Philly, because he and you are actually involved in drug trafficking. During that call Reid informs The Head of the Organization (Jeff Lurie) that your (5's) plan to elude police by reupping the stash by means of Andy's son's, Garret Reid's, asshole has been a success. That's all they have so far.

5: This interview is over, motherfucker! (Turns and walks briskly away. No indication of ankle discomfort.)

T.P.O. (chasing after): What did I say? Hey, 5, one last question. We hear that you've been doing some work with the American Diabetes Association. Do you have Diabetes?

(no response)

For All My Real Rappers

like M. Descartes


What do you think rapper 50 Cent and boxing champion Floyd Mayweather Jr. built their friendship on? According to Mayweather it's the fact that "real recognize real." If you're real, then you definitely don't front. Look at 50 and Floyd, they back they shit up over and over: Mayweather continues to prove himself the best hit-and-run pussy fighter and 50 keeps on writing the most uncreative and insubstantial verses. Both men, however, maintain their "real"-ity because no matter what public perception of their products might be, 50 and Floyd get they stacks, and no I'm not talking about the new OS X feature.

We don't quite got our cake, guap, weight, and shine on 50's level yet, but we try very hard to keep things moving, and we feel that at this point we're pretty damn real. Read our most recent posts. We're calling motherfuckers out. We know that as far as Philly goes "we the best"-- we raise the bar every time we write a post-- and we're not going to front about it. Check out the revised "T.P.O. Endorses" list in the sidebar. But let me give you another example of how we don't front.





Sure we've been able to dance a whole song without spilling it, but we also openly admit to spilling it, especially during songs by The Rapture, LCD SS and The Hives. Right now we're spilling it one out of every three songs. Sometimes it's just a drop here or there, other times, well, it's like Riffs taught us, you just have to make your own slip spot. We're doing what it takes to improve though. I'm doing four extra biceps curls a week so that I can keep my arms upraised longer, keep my drink above traffic. CJR did some assisted pull ups this week. We hope to spill it only once every four songs by the Making Time this weekend, and we're not stopping there. We won't stop until we dance the whole night without spilling it. And we won't stop there either, because 1. we can't and 2. this song isn't just about dancing without spilling it, it's a metaphor. Dancing a song without spilling it isn't easy, just like life, but if you make up you're mind, put some time in and learn to fall in line with life's rhythms, then there's no limit for you, soldier.

Letters To The Editors: Philadelphians React To Being Named "Least Attractive"

Over the past few weeks, TPO has received many strongly worded letters from readers objecting to the recent condemnations in the international media of its citizens' taste and culture. Today we are excerpting some of the best of the mailbag, with the aim of covering the whole spectrum of these objections.


"We are talking about a city where in my neighborhood, designated as a resurgent mecca for artists and daring young couples, every single one of the people who live on my block is a tubby balding dumbass who walks around in sweatpants all day with about four huge dogs that get fed ground beef, and all the sidewalks are so covered in shit I'm afraid to wear nice shoes. Every guy who starts a conversation with me is wearing some kind of clothes he got on sale three years ago. The best attended nightlife event is Bloodbath spinning Madonna and Hall and Oates at Silk City, and half the people there look like they listen to metal. But still, do you really believe we're lamer than, say, Omaha?"

Caitlin Bergstrom, Fishtown


"The problem is ladies who had to eat a lot to get their ass that big who do not cover up their chest and stomachs when they go out. Also, it does not help one bit that they wear tight jeans with their tank tops and other little shirts. It does not matter where you are from, Philly to Dubai to France to Senegal, when you are in the Gallery you do not want to see ladies with their big bodies hanging out their shirts, or stuffed into a halter top looking like the girl is stealing ice from the A-Plus. I am not surprised that all over the world people are talking about Philly ladies not knowing how to look good."

Michael Gamble, South Philadelphia


It is no secret that Philadelphia's geographical conjunction with the Tastykake factory, in addition to Entenmann's, Stroehmann, Herr's and Utz production and distro hubs, made it virtually inevitable that we fall prey eventually to an obesity epidemic. And we wonder why so few Philadelphians are "attractive." Whole generations of Philadelphia-born men and women have come to regard Tastykake as an "ultimate" dessert, just as they regard Herr's as "our hometown" chip. Eating these foods, for us, is a way of investing in the community.

Some will go so far as to eat two or three fruit pies back to back, a whole box of Pop'em© donuts, or even an entire pound of thick-cut kettle chips during just one night of television watching, in the course of their laudable but misguided efforts to support Phillies advertisers, help keep factory jobs local, and so forth. The bargain prices and virtual ubiquity of these companies' superior products only worsen matters. In our search for answers in the wake of this epidemic, we cannot overlook the impact of the greater Philadelphia snack empires on our diets, minds and morals.

Bob Iacovetti, Lehigh Valley Professional Park


"I am sure they spent all their time downtown where all the bank ladies are walking around, and all those art school girls with metal in their face and big trees tattooed on their arms and shit. The problem is that all the girls who go to the gym and dress fashionably and all that are from the suburbs and South Jersey, or go to Villanova or Penn State, and I guarantee they did not go out to West Chester and see some of the model hot girls that go there on weekends. No doubt they went to some place in Olde City where everybody is dressed like a vampire and drinking wheat beer. Somebody bring those dudes to Brownie's next time and then they won't have shit to say about where the good looking people are at."

Evan Graveley, Havertown


"I feel that this criticism does not apply equally to every neighborhood and the study is flawed. There is nothing wrong with the health or attractiveness of my children or those of my friends and family here in East Falls. It is not our fault, for instance, that we are able to maintain strong recreational sports programs but other neighborhoods cannot. In communities like here and Roxborough, our volunteer coaches keep our children busy after school. Every hour that my sons spend at baseball practice is an hour that I don't have to worry about him wandering into less desirable areas and their thug lifestyle of Oxycontin drugs and "low-low" prison pants, no steady job, bad eating habits, and no respect at all for our laws and law enforcement. Some of us are doing our part and we deserve respect."

Grace X. Schultz, East Falls


"It's not pretty out here, but it's real. If you act up you are bound to get knocked and everybody knows it. When we are here, we lay low, because you are not going to get hit for something nobody knows you got. I guarantee nobody came and saw us tear up the Borgata like we do. That is when the jewelry comes out, and that's when we bust our stacks, all that snow, everything. There ain't no way they'd talk that way if they saw how we do. Real Philadelphia pimps know that jealous cats in this city will stick you up daily because this is a city where the jealousy and hatred never stops. We save our shine for where peoples can let us shine a little bit, Jersey, NYC, Miami, wherever."

Ryan Wierkiewicz, Andorra