Yo Philly!

Warning: More low blows to follow

After an entire weekend of my TV time being saturated with Rocky Balboa commercials, I have concluded, Philadelphians, that we need to boycott this shit. First, the things that the movies stand for, brutal, gladiatorial violence, unrealistic optimism, machismo, stupidity, ridiculing the brain damaged, are not positive activities. These stigmata have become what our fair city is most recognized for. Second, Stallone while ostensibly harmless, is really quite the asshole. Third, do you think that it's going to end with this movie? I foresee no fewer than six additional Rocky movies.

Merry Xmas, Delaney:

Rocky VII: Rocky fights Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell. Iceman: ... Rocky: Hey, how you doin, Iceman? Iceman: ...

Rocky VIII: Rocky fights the Super Shredder. Super Shedder: Super Shedder uuuggghhh! Rocky: Super Shredder uuuggghhh!

Rocky IX: Rocky fights Satan. Rocky: Hey yo Paulie, you can take the man out of the fight, but you can't take the man out of the fight...

Rocky X: Rocky fights Breast Cancer. Breast Cancer: I'm undefeated. Rocky: Yeah, well, you know, there's like a first time for everything, you know?

Rocky XI: Rocky fights Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson: The power of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ flows through my right hand and the power of the great Aztec chieftain Huitzitlaloc flows through my left hand. Prepare to die. Rocky: ...

Rocky XII: Rocky fights the Highlander. Highlander: Rocky, there can be only one. Rocky: One what?