A Very Thankful Christmas

T.P.O. is thankful for Dan Bejar.


The Publications Office surveyed celebrities nationwide, asking them what they were most thankful for this Christmas. Here are some of our favorite responses.


Young Jeezy:

I am thankful for the game. Shit's been good to me. The game is as real as it gets. The beauty of the game, it's like, you move your shit and then you got stacks, and your stacks turn into Phantoms, and then it's like you don't give a fuck no more and you can just be ya self. Like me, I like to wear white shoes and a gold watch and not give a fuck what any other man think, and that's just me, you know? The game is life and it got me where I am now, on top, and it's like, who got shit to say to me now? It's so fucking real, it's like I'm so big and tall it's like I roll on STILTS. Yeaaaah.


Stephen Colbert:

I am thankful for my writers and their relentless energy. Just the other day, I was in a big rut. I felt run down, out of ideas, at the end of my rope. I was on my way over to the writers' conference room to tell them not to bother with tonight's show. But when I opened the door, I saw thirty jokes waiting for me on their whiteboard. Everything was going to be just fine. And I ended up using all thirty, too... I was so inspired by their energy, and respectful of their devotion to comedy, that I couldn't bring myself to say that one was funnier than any other.


Isaiah Thomas:

I am thankful for the fact that we young black men are still fighting for the right to live a street lifestyle all over America. It's our world too. This ain't no nice world. I ain't gonna let a man come into my world and tell me I can't take my life, everything I've learned in my life, and that ain't something he want to hear. It's like, I gotta get it the way I know it and you don't understand, well, something just might happen to you. And the way I see it, you earn your respect, you don't just go out and smile in a man face because the world try and say you need to be like a certain way.


Amanda Blank:

I am thankful for hard cocks beating up my pussy. Everywhere I go they want to give me the cock. All over Europe, even, they were telling me they want to lift up my skirt and fuck me right there on the speakers. They hear that bass and they know it's time to fuck. It's been a good year, I've been fucking pretty much nonstop. All over the globe, they wait in line to taste my pussy.


Conor Oberst:

I am thankful that I got to spend this year kind of out of the limelight. Taking some time off from writing and performing has just helped me put everything in perspective. It's hard when you let your thoughts bleed out of you onto the page and then the wind just snatches up that page and it swoops through the city streets, and the people tighten their scarves against the cold breeze. But I just like to sit by the fire with my girlfriend, uhh, girlfriend of the moment, heh, and sometimes I'll just be staring at the ceiling wondering if each crack in the ceiling of this crazy-ass New York apartment (God, I love New York) if each crack is like a memory, and it grows deeper as you age. I think we all keep our memories in our hearts, and each heart is like a picture that we all look at every day.


Tom Brady:

I am thankful for George Bush, the Republican party, and their efforts over the past year. It's always been fashionable to resent those who know best, those who look out for your safety. What's really hard is to stick to the principles of success every day, to wake up in the morning and do your best. There is a lot of negativity out there about leadership and success. But I'll tell you this. Where would I be if I screamed at my offensive line every time they let up a sack? Where would I be if I ignored my dad when he told me to hurry up or I'd be late for practice? A real man responds to strong leadership. We should all be thankful for those who work hard and stick to their guns.


Prins Thomas:

I am thankful for the groove.