JS' Top Five Dances '06

Best dancing ever?

5. Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It (Assman Re-Edit)
Song: The Temptations - Papa Was A Rolling Stone

I go to a college friend's house for a "Motown Party." Rules were strict: dress motown, act motown. A whole bunch of lame chatter later, then some divine Intervention shit: the Ipod supplying the music shuffles to above song and the Assman bursts into the cut. No shit dude is wearing a skull-and-crossbones bandana and a t-shirt that reads "Tell the Truth", and he's rocking a sixer of Sparks Xtra. Lickety-split, he chugged a can then caught the beat. He broke into the Lean / Rock at 2x time. Then he raised the dude who does the "make-believe coin flip but the coin just keeps going up thing" at the end of the "Lean Wit" video with a twisting ass shake. Simple, butt effective.

4. The Matrix (Riff Market Rmx)
Song: Sharon Phillips - Want 2 Need 2 (Switch Dub)

Ask most of us to "Do the Matrix" and arms flailing, we'd all fall on asses attempting to dodge bullets, probably only to the 2s and 4s. Ask our boy Riff to do it, and he'll build up a head of steam and then jam his hands right into your sternum. Then he'll duck under one of your upraised arms (your arms are now upraised in a WTF is happening to me position) and make like he's imploded you. All done while Phillips is singing, "Let me just blow your mind up."

3. The Good Knee
Song: Vitalic - Poney Part 1 (Live)

You can't just break into this one. Very complicated, but totally worth it. First you have to take the GRE. After taking the test, you can proceed to the next step: getting into the "Holy Fucking Shit, I just finished the GRE, I am soooo relieved, and Vitalic's (any dancy techno act will work, or The Rapture, or Lenny Kravitz, Vitalic just happened to be in town the night I witnessed this move. Don't ask how I got the back story.) playing tonight. There's going to be a 2 for 1 drink special, and I am totally going into "lose my shit" mode." Then you have to get to the club as soon as it opens, and start hammering the 2fers. Next, you have to start dancing two hours before Vitalic cause the brand new Shit Robot is playing. (No substitutes here, whatever the new Shit Robot is.) When Vitalic finally comes on, you're ready to "Get on the Good Knee." You're stomping along as hard as you can to "Poney", but you realize you need a break, so you go for a few dips and a traditional The Matrix. What you don't realize is that you've been dancing so hard for so long that your body cannot possibly support a The Matrix. You dislocate your right knee, and you're on "The Good Knee."


2. The Normal
Song: Tiga - Good As Gold

This one clearly took months of planning. A bunch of us are in the cut getting our "get there before midnight free sparks" on (don't hate!), when in walks this couple. The dude is wearing a trucker hat, a pink Polo golf shirt, collar popped and khakis and sandals, btw, it's fucking January. The chick is wearing a white tank top and a pink mini skirt, no accessories. Fast forward, we get so sparxxxd! that we hit the floor for Tiga. It's only about 11, very early, so we're obviously the first ones dancing. But, we are totally freaking out, and in a manner of minutes our frenzy hits the couple. Really, they were just looking for an excuse to bust out The Normal. They get ON STAGE, and start grinding, hard. Within thirty seconds they are making out, grabbing each other's ass, then their own ass, then jumping off stage (somehow still making out) and grabbing your ass. When they tire of making out they start yelling "Whoa!", totally in sync with the grinds. Instant trump at any hipster dance party: The Normal.

1. The Butt Slap Dance
Song: ZZ Top - Legs (Butt also would appear to work with LCD SS "Yeah"(Crass))

Pay close attention to the jumping butt slap.



(The Chicken Noodle Soup Dance: #6)

Originally this post was supposed to receive 74/100 riffs.