Ma'am: Shush (or, The Motherfucking Car)

First, a word about Roxborough. Roxborough is fucking terrible. It's the most asshole neighborhood I've ever spent a lot of time around, even worse than lacrosse suburbs in Baltimore. Guys from Andorra can turn out all right, I guess, but it seems like the further one wanders from Andorra, the more fat hardass white kids are dressing like Fat Joe and walking around with their eyes 3/4 closed, looking for Oxycontin or their bookie. They were the kids whose dads came to baseball practice in Eagles sweatpants and tried to taunt the coach into a fight from the back of the bleachers, while smoking Black and Milds. They turned into kids whose actual favorite thing to do, no exaggeration, is to punch each other, in a practice known as Roxboxing. They're also the kind of dickheads who break into cars, but most of them are too pussy to do anything more dangerous than selling shitty weed. Roxborough kids have the worst possible taste in movies (Rush Hour 2), music (Tupac and radio rock) in the world.

Oh, and then there are Roxborough girls. I would rather kill myself than marry a girl with a Roxborough accent. They wear Nautica fleece pants, big earrings and big perfume.

T.P.O. performed a study, and determined that it has been 7 years since the last time that anyone who lived in Roxborough uttered a sentence that was not, in some way, stupid.

With that out of the way, here's the best Philadelphia argument I've heard since I was a kid, from the other day, noted on location in Roxborough:

(Big, young, cornfed, douchey looking dude appears with a puss on his face)

Angry Man: "Jim, get out here and move this motherfucking piece of shit fucking car you got sittin right in front of my fucking house!"

(Jim, older man, appears)

Jim: "What you mean, you don't own the spot there, get away from my car."

Angry Man: "Jim, fuck you, you don't move your fucking car I'm gonna, it's gonna, you're lucky there's no sticker on that car because you motherfucking never move your fucking CAR RAH RAH RRRHRHAHRHAHRHARHHH"

Jim: "Asshole, get outta here"

Angry Man: "Jim, you've got a garage and a driveway, you've got two cars, there's twoaya, you never use this motherfuckin car and you always, you got people in this street, you got neighbors, they have... spot, you need spots for when... you gotta start to think about your neighbors RAHAHRHAHHh

Jim: "You're an asshole."

"If you don't move that motherfuckin' car it's gonna get moved, Jim!"

Jim: "Get away from my car."

"Think about your fuckin' NEIGHBORS! RAAAHRARARARARRAHRH"

(Older lady emerges onto her porch, next door)

Lady: "(something I couldn't hear, but which sounded really stupid)!"

Angry Man: "Ma'am! Ma'am! Shush, Ma'am!"

Lady: "(skreeeeeeech)"

Angry Man: "MA'AM! SHUSH!"

(Dogs start barking)